you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
