I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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