How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
