PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
