Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
