And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
