I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
