what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
