I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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