He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
