i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
