I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
