we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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