You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
