I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
