Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
