just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
