I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
