i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
