Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
last night I used snow as a chaser
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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