the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize