she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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