He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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