bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
