I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
