hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
