shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
