dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize