the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
