I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
