Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
