I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
