DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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