I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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