I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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