I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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