..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
