the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize