I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
