And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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