I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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