I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So vagazzling was a success
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
