Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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