i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
