well most of my day revolves around power hour
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize