Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
