and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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