I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
