You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
