you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize