HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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