No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
