the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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