found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
