Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
