I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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