if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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