I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
