My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
home. puking in laundry basket.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just high enough for therapy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
