Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize