she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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