My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
