I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
