Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
