thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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