I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
