he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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