Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
