Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
