exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
